A Friend Is A Stranger You Haven't Met

My class is very boy-heavy. I assumed that the whole 5th grade was this way. There is one other 5th grade class, and two split classes: a 4/5 and a 5/6. There is a .5 teacher who pulls the 5th graders out of the split classes for the morning and teaches them math and science. One day I found out that when she pulls out those 5th graders from the two splits, she has ONE MORE GIRL than boys.

How can this be when I have 19 boys and only 8 girls? I checked with the other 5th grade class. She had 17 boys and 9 girls, slightly better than my ratio. So that meant that in the two split classes, they had an even boy/girl ratio. I began to actively pursue this inequitable distribution of boys and girls. I brought it up continually to my principal over the next couple of days. Finally, she asks to see all of us 5th grade teachers.

We have a meeting, and this issue is brought up. Turns out that the 5/6 split class has five 5th grade boys and six 5th grade girls. Pretty even. Remember, my class is about 30% girls, 70% boys. Now the real inequity was in the 4/5 split. Her class in general is girl-heavy. But for her 5th grade students? Eight girls and six boys! There is the problem. She had as many 5th grade girls for half her class as I have in my class of 27. So my principal asks us to brainstorm solutions to this. Of course, they all just sit there. No one wants to speak up or make any changes. Particularly the 4/5 teacher, who's class is nicely girl-heavy, and she spends the first two hours of her nice day with her 10 (yes, that's right: 10) nice fourth graders. That's a better ratio than you'd get in a private school!

So I suggest some movement of kids to make the ratio of boys to girls more fair. The 4/5 teacher just thought this was a bad idea because, you know, the kids have already bonded to their teacher, and this would be so hard on them. Plus it would be hard on the teacher. But she did offer to take a couple of my boys, as long as they were boys who could "handle the split." Do you know what that means? Good boys only wanted here!

I definitely am not giving up any of my "good" boys-I need them all when my class is the highest in number with the worst boy-girl ratio. And I have a handful of boys who need to be medicated, if they aren't all ready. Plus, let me tell you, if I was lucky enough to be able to spend the first two hours of my day with only ten little charges, when everyone else is dealing with a full-size class, I'd feel so guilty that I'd offer to take some problem kids. And they would be 5th grade boys. She wouldn't have them all morning-only in the afternoon.

I didn't say much at the meeting, other than that I expected to not get new kids for quite awhile. The 4/5 split only had 24 kids in the class. I said I expected the new 5th graders to go there until her number is brought up. Unless the new kid is a girl, and a good one at that.

I left the meeting, but continued to think about this whole thing. And I just was mad about it, and particularly the "offer" of help I had received from the 4/5 teacher. Plus, we only began school last Tuesday. I really don't think bonding is an issue yet. Heck, my class is so hard that I've barely bonded at all, unfortunately.

I sent an email to my beloved principal from home, saying just that. I told exactly what I was feeling, and how I felt Mrs. 4/5 Teacher certainly COULD take a couple of my problem boys, since she wouldn't even have them all morning, and the fact that her class is girl-heavy means a calmer atmosphere for them. They probably actually would do better. And we're not even talking about giving her my worst boy who has psychological problems (not my diagnosis-it's true).

She emailed back that I made some good points. I went to talk to her the next day, and we selected two boys that aren't easy boys to send to Mrs. 4/5 Teacher. I'm pretty happy with the ones we chose-they add to the chaotic atmosphere in my class. Again, it's not my very worst kid. If I could have only gotten rid of him, that would have been good. I think my principal is thinking we may be able to get him into a behavioral program, though, that's at a different school...That would be nice.

The only thing I had to check on before we decided definitely which two boys to send to Mrs. 4/5 Teacher's class was if either boy was the close buddy of one of my other boys whose mom is dying of cancer. This particular boy had been placed into my room specifically because his best friend was there. So my principal did not want to move either of those two boys. I just had to find out who his buddy was.

I picked up my kids from PE. As we walked back to the classroom, I walked beside Jose. "Jose," I said, "Who is your best pal in this class?"

He answered, "Oh, I guess the kid behind me...Or maybe Alex..."

Alex was the boy we couldn't move, then, and he wasn't one of the boys I had selected. So I was happy. I just think it's funny that Jose thought the "kid behind him" was perhaps one of his best buddies-even though he didn't yet know his name!