A Success Story

Last Wednesday morning I was at school checking email, the first thing I usually do when I get into my classroom. As I was reading an email, I received another one. I clicked it open, and read the email. It was from the mom of one of my boys, and she was really angry with me. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a parent so mad at me, and it has happened from time to time over these last 20-plus years of teaching. It doesn't happen as much lately, though, as it used to when I was young and inexperienced.

Anyway, she was livid. Livid is a good word choice here. Here is the edited email:

"Hi I am Bobby’s mother.

I would really love to speak with you about Bobby and how you handle situations with a child that has a disability which is ADHD. I have several concerns, I am extremely upset with the fact that he comes home daily upset about what happens in the classroom as far as him being sent out and then getting a 1 in science because he was not in the class to participate I feel is ridiculous and to me as an educator I would really love to know what “education” you have when dealing with “non-cookie cutter children”. I will not have his self esteem damaged by a teacher who is not capable or patient enough to deal with these types of children. He does have an IEP which is being put in place currently so if need be I can handle this in a variety of ways which will include by passing you and (the school) and going straight to the school district, I have a great lawyers name as well. I have gone through this with my oldest son and (this school) so I am done playing games with people here!!!! I really hope you can provide me some answers as to how we are going to make sure Bobby has a good school year with out crying daily when he gets home because of his classroom situation."

Well, I sat there stunned. Where to begin, where to begin? I knew I should reply as soon as possible, but if this turned ugly, I also wanted my beloved principal to know of the situation. So I forwarded the email to her, along with the background of the situation that had occured the day before with Bobby during science: Students were in small groups of three working on a hands-on science activity where they were to build a "pendulum." At one point, for some reason, Bobby was back at the sink with a boy from another group, and they were happily punching each other many times in the arm. I separated them-one at a study carol in the class, and the other, Bobby, into the hall at a table. There aren't many places to send a kid to cool off. By the time both returned to the class, science was over. Too bad, they missed the fun activity. Punishment enough, I thought, and case closed.

But not closed, apparently...I waited for my principal's response, as I wanted to get a reply off to this mom as soon as possible. Then it was recess, so I wandered over to my principal's office, and peeked in. "Did you see the email from Bobby's mom?" I inquired.

"You mean the one where she's going to sue you?" my principal asked.

"That would be the one," I replied. My principal said that yes, she saw it, and would respond to it-I didn't have to. But, I told her I felt I should be the one to respond, as I was the one who had the information that the mom obviously didn't have about that science lesson. I also told my principal that I was certain I could get the mom's anger deflated enough to be productive. I would, I said, respond not only as a teacher, but as a parent. That always works, I've found.

So I did respond. I sent the email (cc'd to my principal). I thanked her for her email, and said I wanted to give her some details about the situation that she probably didn't hear from her son. I told her then about the arm punching. I explained the whole scenario. I explained further that his belief about getting a bad grade was the result of a speech I gave to the whole class about group participation being just as big of a part of their grade as any test. Bobby apparently realized his participation that day was not good.

I also said that Bobby is a very sensitive and kind boy, and I knew this was an unusual event so I didn't pursue it much further. I went on to say there were some behaviors that I wanted Bobby to work on, and since he responded so well to positives, I wanted to come up with some sort of chart where when he did those positive things, I'd give him a sticker or stamp. At then end of the week, he could take the chart home, and she could give him positive feedback too. I invited her to come in to meet with me to organize this.

Her reply came quickly, and I could tell immediately that the anger was gone, although she still questioned whether my expectations for him were "appropriate and reasonable." I emailed back that I had been at his IEP meeting (which was scheduled at a time she requested, then she didn't even show up) and I thought my three expectations were fine, but that I was happy to run the idea by the IP teacher as well.

Her third reply had no anger or distrust in it at all. She'd be so happy to meet me, she said. In fact, we set up a meeting time for after school the next day. I knew the meeting would go well. In fact, when she showed up, she was putty in my hands immediately. She herself is very sensitive, and began crying at first, but then pulled herself together. She apologized for the email she sent. And it was a productive meeting. I think she just wanted to see that I was a good person.

The next day, Friday, Bobby came to school with a sack full of stickers, paper, pencils, etc., that she had bought for me at her new favorite store: The Dollar Store. Before I could send her an email to thank her, this is the email she sent me:

"Did Bobby give you the stickers and the paper if you just wanted to throw them on the paper and call it good that can work. You can use those for other’s too and when you run out let me know and I will go get more for you or if you think of anything let me know and I will go pick it up, don’t buy anything I will buy it!!!! I am really glad to have met you and appreciate your time thank you for caring about my son!!! He seemed allot better about everything last night too so it was a good thing I came and we got to meet…….I thought you were going to have warts and a broom LOL just kidding you are a very great teacher and I have SO MUCH RESPECT for your role in my child’s life"

Now, that's what I call a Success Story!