The Guilty Never Feel Guilt

We just got out Friday for two sweet weeks of winter break. About 1 1/2 weeks ago, Cathy gave me a present. It was in a gift bag, and it was a set of homemade cards her grandmother (who volunteers in my class each week) made, and a large bag of candy that looked like a bag of M&Ms. I thanked her profusely and left the bag sitting on my desk. Throughout that week a few more gifts trickled in that I added to the collection on my desk.

Then on Wednesday of just this last week, I got a craving for a little something sweet, and remembered the bag of candy from Cathy. I excitedly went back to my room and peeked in the gift bag. There was the set of homemade cards, but no bag of candy. Hmmmm. Did I take that bag home? I was certain I hadn't. What happened to the bag of candy? Did someone really steal a bag of candy out of a gift bag off of my desk? Was it a student? That week I was out for the second part of the day on Monday and Tuesday, so did a sub take it? The night custodian? I was flummoxed, to say the least.

I sent an email to the other 5th grade teacher telling that someone had stolen a bag of candy from me that I had gotten as a gift. She was appalled, and replied that one of the 4th grade teachers last year had had a gift stolen. A fourth grade teacher? Could that student now have moved to fifth grade in my class and is still stealing? I sent an email to the fourth grade teacher to see who had stolen from her. It had been Jack.

You may remember Jack. He is the one who lied to me about selling 20 items during the PTA fundraiser just to get 20 free Silly Bands. I sent an email to my husband telling him that someone had stolen from me, and replied to just lay on the Mommy Guilt, which he said, rightly so, that I am good at. So I did.

After their lunch was over, I told the class that up till now, I have been bragging about this class, and what a wonderful, kind bunch of kids I have. I laid it on thick. Then I told them that someone stole a bag of candy that Cathy had given me. Someone had stolen it right out of a gift bag off my desk. I told the students how hurt I was that one of MY students would do that to me. I ended the guilt trip by saying that I hoped whomever had stolen from me would feel so much guilt that either the candy would be returned, or that s/he wouldn't be able to truly enjoy the candy, knowing it was stolen candy. I let them know how sad and hurt I was.

I then pulled Jack out in the hall for a private chat. "Jack," I said. "Did you steal my candy?" He emphatically said no, but I don't really trust him. I told him that he has made bad decisions in the past with stealing candy from Mrs. Fourth Grade Teacher last year, and then lying about the Silly Bands to me this year. "You haven't shown yourself to be a responsible, reliable student because of the choices you have made. If you really didn't steal from me, I'm glad, but you had better work hard at changing your reputation." I still think he did it.

The next day I got to school and checked my email. There was an email from Sandra, who never does anything wrong. In fact, this month I chose her for the Responsibility award. Anyway, in her email she first reminded me that I had forgotten to include the spelling assignment on my homework page, and she was concerned that some kids would forget to do it because it wasn't there, and they'd get into trouble. Then she went on to say how very sorry she was that someone stole candy from me, and that she hoped it would be returned soon. She said she hoped I'd still be able to brag about our class, because it made her feel good to think that I brag about them. Finally, she ended the email saying that I was the best, coolest, and PRETTIEST teacher she has ever had!

I think both Sandra and I were feeling guilt now.

But I am the prettiest teacher she's ever had? Really? I thought my days of being called pretty by a student were long gone...But I had to know who had her in fourth grade, so I could rub it in. I went to the staff room where the fourth grade teachers, among others, were eating lunch. "OK," I said. "Who had Sandra B. last year?" They thought, and then said the name of a teacher who is no longer here. "Oh," I said, disappointed. But the another teacher spoke up.

"I had Sandra for third grade," she said. Hmmm. Really? This particular teacher is fairly young. She just got married, and is only in her third or fourth year of teaching. So I gently broke the news to her. "Well, I want you to know that Sandra said I am the prettiest teacher she's ever had. I'm sorry for you, but I'm quite excited, since I'm nearly twice your age!"

Basically, the ones who feel the guilt are usually the ones that don't do wrong anyway.