The Hands-On Approach

I have a student who has been masturbating in class. I caught him doing it once, although I tried to convince myself I was wrong. Then another teacher who works with him in a small group also caught him doing it. Geez.

This weekend I've been completing my report card for the trimester, with conferences coming up in two weeks. I got to his report card, and toyed with what kinds of comments I should leave on his report card. Here are some possibilities:

*He should foucus more, and masturbate less.

*Your child will go blind if he doesn't stop pulling his peter.

*He has mastered penis pulling. Now he needs to work on his multiplication tables.

*He needs to focus on reading without his hands in his pants.

*Child is beyond his years in sexual awareness but doesn't grasp social norms as well as he grasps his own penis.

*He has mastered his bator. Now he needs to work on his word choice.

*A hobby may help your child reach his full potential.

Out of the Mouths of Babes Pt. 3

Quote from a fifth grader's essay: "Opinions are like elbows: everybody has them!"

The Magic of Childhood

Yesterday was Read Across America Day, which was begun in honor of Dr. Seuss' birthday. It was more low-key this year, thankfully. Last year grade levels had to choose a specific book to read and do projects on, decorate, dress up, etc. Still, many staff members dressed up. Not me, though.

But I like the Read Across America Day as it gives me a built in excuse to have the kids read all day while I work on grading assessments for report cards. Earlier this week, I was talking to the other 5th grade teacher, who thought she'd show "Horton Hears A Who." That sounded like a great idea, so I had one student assigned to bring in the movie yesterday.

Anyway, the day began with announcements from my long-winded principal. But he was talking in an English accent, or at least his version of an English accent. I only sort of listen, as I don't have kids in my room (my planning) and I'm usually running around getting things ready for the day. But soon I realize he is actually reading a Dr. Seuss book for his announcement. Now, any Dr. Seuss book is fabulous, but they aren't short stories. It takes about 15-20 minutes to read aloud one of his books, espicially if you are taking your time to get the rhythm and rhyme down, and all in an English accent. Plus, he never told the staff he was going to do this; maybe he thought it was a nice surprise for us all, but as teachers, we just see it eating up 20 minutes of our class time...As I walked passed classrooms, I saw bored looking kids with their heads on the hands, or turned and chatting with neighbors. It's hard to listen to a story via an intercom.

Soon the day ended. I led my class out to the bus lines, and stood near the back of the day car vans line-I always help get those kids out to their vans. One little girl asked if she could walk with me, so I took her cute little hand in mine. As we walked out to the day care vans, I asked her how her day was.

"It was great!" she said. "We made Dr. Seuss hats!" Then she told me, "And he told a story this morning!" I was assuming she meant the story over the intercom this morning. I said something about being surprised that Mr. Principal did that. She furrowed her brow at that, and said, "Was that Mr. Principal, or was that the Cat in the Hat?"

I felt like a heel. I had missed the introduction; of course Mr. Principal had been pretending to be the Cat in the Hat! And even though all of the big kids in 5th and 6th grade looked bored, I bet those primary grades were full of excited kids listening to the Cat in the Hat! I have become jaded by my older students. I quickly retracted my statement...."Oh, I think you are right! I think that WAS the Cat in the Hat..."

Then I put her on her van to her day care.